Making friends with Paradox


Of course you may experience, listening to a long inspiring speech about on “how to live healthy” but the person that you listen to drinking a bottle of coke, or you may experience, listening to a person who on how tough he or she holding commitment but, in a low voice he or she express that there is always “excepts”.

What they say, what they share are 100% right, if there are some “excepts” it’s just the nature of life itself, one of the nature of life that I understand so far is understanding the nature of paradox, it’s just life that telling you that paradox is its one of her rebellious son, the spirit of ‘paradox’ travels everywhere, even you’ll hear  that paradoxical expression from the people or those that you love or respect, yes it’s nothing wrong with what they express, just make friends with all the paradoxical aspects within their narration, because paradox is the life’s absolute grand narration, but

Never stop to be a happy person, life may be full of shits, but at least you’re not part of those shits.

Heartfelt and love.


Catatan Ngehe di (akhir) Periode Ngehe


1. Saat kamu mulai berkeinginan untuk mencari “spiritual healer” untuk mencari jawaban kegelisahan (saya menghindari memakai kata “galau”) jiwa dan emosi kamu, jangan pernah percaya siapapun yang memberikan referensi si A atau si B, always trust someone yang bilang kalau yang bisa ngobati kamu adalah kamu sendiri.

2.Saat kamu berwaham, bersolilukui, berbicara dengan omen di pikiran kamu, percayalah semua itu, omen atau entah apapun namanya, itu bukan kamu, kamu adalah kamu, yang konstan dan selalu berubah.

3.Orang-orang lain hanyalah pemicu dan katalisator, mereka bukanlah pemain utama, seberapapun kuatnya mereka, keputusan akhir tetaplah di jiwa kamu, keputusan akhir untuk dipicu atau tidak tetaplah dari diri kamu.

4.Jangan pernah menyakiti orang lain dan tetap berusaha untuk selalu sehat baik secara emosional maupun fisik (thanks to AvP for this insight), seberapapun dahsyatnya godaan, kesehatan emosional dan spiritual tetap harus selalu konstan dijaga tapi jangan pernah lupa kita masih hidup di dunia yang terikat dengan tata hukum ilmu fisik.

5.Ketulusan dan keikhlasan itu memiliki vibrasi, bergetar, selalu lakukan segala sesuatu untuk diri kamu.

6.Makan makanan sehat.

7.Cari teman dan mengobrollah, hal ini tak menyelesaikan masalah-masalah kejiwaan kamu, tapi setidaknya ini membantu kamu untuk katarsis.

8.Jangan pernah menyalahkan orang lain atau diri kamu sendiri, ambillah tanggung jawab, selalu bertanya pada diri kamu sendiri “What Can I do?’ (thanks to Asia Works for this insight).

9.Bermeditasilah, berusahalah untuk selalu terhubung dengan “infinity“.

10.Menangislah jika diperlukan.

Sekian dari saya, semoga membantu, semoga segala yang hidup selalu menjadi lebih baik dan bahagia.


Ditulis dengan cinta dan kebebasan.




I just I can’t catch any inspiration while sitting on my comfort chair and typing on my brand new -also comfort- table, ideas, inspirations and revelation always come over when I’m on a go, when I bike, when I sit for long after I eat my meal alone, when I stare to the people walking, talking here and there, I think a notebook and a pen, if when they’re available catching idea better than merely sitting on a comfort place, but they’re not always available for most of the time.

And full stop here.



Once upon a time I wanted to be a writer, then I started to co-create a self published magazine with my friends when I was in senior high school, it worked for a while, I wrote some short-stories and some poems, but some emotional turbulence happened to me and eventually I discontinued writing and the magazine stopped too.

A simple reason that triggered me to be a writer was: I have a sore throat caused by so many refrained words, there are some words that I meant to say but when I was a child I was discouraged to express to say those words, I could not say what I meant to say but I used to say what I should say, but those refrained words remain there, creates some stress and creates this sore throat too, so I decided to be a writer, at least for my own life story, and from my point of view.

On Discipline


What I have learnt:

#1.Discipline is the medicine to summon all my energy back! Discipline is the medicine, the cure that revitalises our body, mind and spirit however it is not easy even just to say: just do it. Because, I or you (may be) used to learn that discipline is an external factor.

(Disiplin adalah obat untuk membangkitkan energi. Disiplin adalah obat, pengobatan yang mengembalikan semangat tubuh, pikiran dan jiwa, namun, tak pernah mudah, bahkan hanya untuk sekedar mengatakan: lakukan saja!. Sebab, saya atau kita selalu belajar kalau disiplin itu datangnya dari luar.)

#2. Why is it an external factor?, it is simply because since our childhood we have been understanding and learning a poisonous understanding that says: I need others to discipline me, by punishment, by fear, by sanctions, by rewards (money), by heaven or hell, and this make our inner ability to discipline our self weak.

(Dari luar?, penjelasannya sederhana, sejak masa kecil kita mempelajari pemahaman yang sangat beracun tentang disiplin yang menyiratkan: saya butuh orang lain untuk mendisiplinkan saya, dengan hukuman, ketakutan, sanksi, hadiah (uang), dengan surga dan neraka, dan hal ini membuat kemampuan nurani kita untuk menginternalisir disiplin lemah)

#3. As for me, one night, it was very difficult just to say:my dear body please do wake up at 4.30! Yes I lost control to me! If I don’t commit to my own promise to my self how I can commit my promise to others?

(Buat saya, suatu malam, sangat susah sekali untuk sekedar bilang: hei badanku sayang ayo bangun pada jam 4.30 pagi! Ya saya telah kehilangan kontrol pada diri saya sendiri, jika saya tak bisa memenuhi janji saya pada diri saya sendiri, bagaimana saya bisa memenuhi janji saya pada orang lain?

#written with love; always commit to yourself! always!

(ditulis dengan cinta; selalu berkomitmen pada dirimu sendiri!)



People I met


A woman, in a convenient store, with an oriental look, wearing a black blazer, with a white blackberry in her hand, sat next to me, she uttered some words, but I couldn’t hear the words properly, but I guessed she was asking whether the empty seat next to me was occupied or not, in a glance, she already settled herself, sitting next to me, turning herself in an autistic mode with her cell phone. However, for a while her look became a magnet to my masculine instinct, driving my eyes to momentarily looking at her, my mind was guessing about her background, her jobs, her office, her family, her boyfriend and a common question popped up in my mind, how do they look like? For a while these thoughts driving me away from the book that I read: Further Along; The Road Less Traveled, by Scott M.Peck, and for a while too she already disappeared.

She disappeared. And I resumed my mind to the book I read, it was on a chapter “GROWING UP PAINFULLY, it says,

This is an extremely important truth because a great deal of human psychopathology, including the abuse of drugs, arises out of the attempt to get back to Eden. At cocktail parties we tend to need at least that one drink to help diminish our self-consciousness, to diminish our shyness…

–It’s my weakness, many times I feel insecure when some of my friends hide their plan to go to a cocktail party or anything like that, and I’m really grateful if I’m invited to such a party even though I don’t frequently drink, and I’ll be happy to help them to find their way back home in the end of the party, and after the party, I’ll feel alive, and I feel truly as a friend–, and a few seconds after I read those phrases, a woman in a purple dress sat next to me, without any words, she vibrated rush, or busy, or anxious, or insecure mood to me, and she put a beverage on the table, the beverage looks bright browny, she talked on her phone, I looked to her bottle, and after a while, –it looked awkward at the moment– she covered her bottle with a white paper bag, after a while, I left for a meeting, that I was expecting a semi-formal meeting.

A man, after more than one hour waiting for a meeting, I wanted to see and talk with this man, I saw the man, a man with the sharp eyes, in a black outfit, in a cigarrete-smoky room, he was talking with a woman, in a black blazer, with a white blackberry, then I came to them, and it seemed that I already terminated their in depth conversation, and they stopped the conversation, I culturally said sorry that I terminated their in depth sharing, and they culturally also said that it was okay, that there’s nothing personal within the conversation, however I sensed something personal transmitted in the air, and the man started formally talking to me, he introduced the woman to me, and the woman mentioned her name in a very low voice, but I got her name, and  it’s already an awkward meeting with the presence of the woman, not a woman I think, she looks like a girl in a woman’s dress, and the meeting turned to be an awkward meeting, and it ended up with an appointment to a virtual meeting on the net, emails and its friends, then I said a bye, and they resumed their depth conversation. And my expectation flew to a nowhere place.



On Religion


One thing that really discouraged me to be a religious person, I have a problem when a religion talks about ritual this and that, and those rituals become the strict line between heaven and hell, or some testimony of faith can be a simply differentiation between heaven and hell, I have a lot of friends and there are so many good people they do have faiths but their religion is not my religion, my mind and heart starts to question and question where they belong? And at this point I have no satisfying answer for such question.

On Suffering and Real


To be real is to suffer.

Unless we gain the ability to suffer, we’ll never be real, once we embrace and experience suffering then we become real.

Becoming real means becoming true to Yourself, aligning your being in this Earth.

(These words come from my experience from nowhere Friday morning)

On Meals


On a trip again, here I’m writing, it comes to my realisation, from where my sadness come, the words: “never eat alone” really strikes my emotion, I’ve just realised how sad I am in every meal I have, after I shared my life story in somewhere and sometime in Vietnam, I realised that I spent most of my meals when I was kid alone, in fact people provided me food, but rarely a company, it really feels so hard to talk every time I have meal appointments, because I used to talk with the food than people.

On something and every thing,

Now I’m the president, of a community called Initiatives of Change, a community that aims to promote change starts with oneself, but somehow I was feeling that I lost my passion, direction, and guidence, I’ve been driven by different windy winds,

Some clouds need to be cleared, very soon, however I’m still excited and enthusiast with this word: LOVE.