Category Archives: Reflection

Called it Red and Blue or Black and Red! (CTA 1)


Once upon a time I was sitting politely listening to those who organise this alike Black and Red game in a different and modified name and style it’s called Red and Blue, truth be told, my mind and ego keep thinking that I was the one who should’ve been there, standing there, being cool there!, but indeed I was sitting there politely in that hall.

Every time this game is played it looks like describing the today’s world situation: emotion, tension, commitment, consistency and personality conceals unconsciously, meant or not, one of the most obvious stuff, again this game is like showing on how nations making an agreement on climate change issues but then again it was not me standing there being cool in that game!

Yesterday I did it again: testing the so called blue ocean of personality and my pre-assumption toward a girl, in her daily life and the way he encounters with me it seems like he’s doing kind of a diplomatic mission; this game reveals some facts about her, her competitive way of thinking, and her womanish tricky diplomatic bla bla revealed!

However during yesterday’s game session what I found different is the way the team conducted the game, some new models found, the team added the communication aspect and different way of conducting the game – I found it the way the team conducted was more polite and emotion friendly; and yes the team conducted the game, it was not me,  it was not me and I found I am.

Knowing and symptom (and do something about it?)

Yes, yesterday there are friends raising symptomatic issues in our organisation, they raised the issue of professionalism in our beloved so called organisation (or community), for me this issue is strongly important, yes I’ve been for more than 7 years in this community, and I want to do something about, what interested me was the way he raised the issue; as always, it’s cliche I know, complaining and asking other people to do something about it, it’s the way I see it, my very basic proposal to this issue. find out our deepest vision to these ideas and community and tweak our basic ourganisations’ constitution, chose these and relly dig deep.

How do I do with this text message?

Ha ha ha again, as the so called non practitcioner consultant, with well field-tested advices on several issues of man and woman relationship, a being buddy, asking this question last night: what should I do with this text message from this man of a celebrity look like? my quick response was: do nothing, and if you want to reply, reply it tomorrow. But my further elaboration is: that’s not your basic longings in this matter, your longings lie in these questions: do you want to get married? is it really matter to you a boyfriendship and girlfriendship? right now, do you still miss your last boyfriend?, answer these questions not more than 5 minutes and you’ll get the real answer, more than 5 minutes is the fake answers! trust me.

and thanks God I found a way to use my passport!

It’s surprising me, I witness my previous so called prophecy and prediction of camp was revealed again, a girl with out of blue shared to me that she joined the last camp of this organisation is to find solution for her unused passport, and yes it’s right since the beginning, in this our beloved country, the greatest pull  to this organisation is that passport and travelling stuffs, it can continue, unless I, we, choose to reverse it.

So this is my story of yesterday so called Call To Action workshop, is it a junk post? yes, I don’t want to keep them longer nestling in my mind, was I in a battle therefore some ways I look like an expired fruit? yes, I was in a battle with my self and a force to come to the so called of graduation ceremony that I didn’t plan to attend to, am I complaining? no, I’m finding wisdom!











Tentang Perubahan dan Perbuahan: Fashion


Saya mengerti fashion dan seluruh kode-kode etiknya baru dalam beberapa tahun terakhir tepatnya pada pertengahan tahun 2008. Sebelumnya saya sama sekali tidak peduli dan tidak mau mengerti tentang apapun yang berhubungan dengan fashion. Contoh kecil dalam kasus sepatu, sangat sederhana memang, saya pikir semua sepatu sama saja fungsinya, yang penting bisa menutup seluruh bagian telapak kaki dan setelah semua fungsinya terpenuhi : case closed!, saya tak peduli apapun modelnya, akhirnya saya pernah memakai sepatu sport adidas (sepatu saya yang legendaris) bertemu dengan salah satu petinggi pemerintahan para pengungsi di Tibet dengan hanya memakai sepatu sport adidas, waktu itu saya sangat beruntung karena memang birokarasi di tempat itu tidak terlalu ketat, dan teman-teman saya pun tidak banyak menyinggung saya, meski saya yakin pada waktu itu teman-teman saya tidak nyaman dengan gaya fashion saya, tapi saya salut pada mereka, mereka menyerahkan sepenuhnya perubahan itu pada diri saya sendiri.

Fashion tweaking, itulah saya lakukan sejak saat itu sampai saat ini, menjadi diri sendiri memang sangat esensial, dan menjadi apa adanya memang sangat penting, dan meLAKUkan yang terbaik jauh LEBIH BAIK.

*ya kali ini saya memang sedang berbagi cerita, tentang loncatan-loncatan dalam hidup saya.



How do you define a goal? for me it’s an excitement! I describe it as the most beautiful woman that I’ve been picturing in my dream, for me it looks like the way Wayne Rooney did the acrobatic kick to to the City’s goal two weeks ago.

Truth be told I always deny my self as a perfectionist person, since for me, a perfectionist looks like procrastinator in some ways, however it is undeniable that I always perceive that reaching a goal should be performed in an acrobatic way just like what Rooney did, and then if I can’t do in such way, it’s better for me just not to make any goal and remain idle, and such ‘acrobatic way’ still leave its steps in my mind.

However I still deny myself that I’m a perfectionist, and my mindset always saying that I want to do things in its proper way, and according to the procedure and whatsoever. Indeed I try to do such acrobatic way, but in the end of the day, I feel and observed less goals achieved, and such situation leads me into frustration.

Last weekend, in Initiatives of Change Indonesia community house, where I live, there was weekly discussion in making a goal, there was a man called Saul Allen – he denied himself that he has a relation with Woody Allen, however I’m sure that Woody Allen has relation with him, at least in his name -, yes he’s our American buddy who participated in our last year camp, last weekend he facilitated that session in making a strategic life goal.

One of my highlight for the session that tweaked my understanding and perception toward life goal, is in the way he deciphered one of the symptoms of the perfectionist attitude, that is: all or nothing attitude, yes this is absolutely what I need to know, this aspect is so me, I realised that somehow I’m categorized as a desperate perfectionist, I realised that I spent a lot of time just thinking on how to do things rather than thinking the excitement of scoring a life goal.

I realised that goal itself, is the excitement, and there are many ways to do this, yes in anyways, but it should be in an ethical way.

Goal is the small form of a vision and it should have ways for measurement, and once you set up a goal you should make effort to convince people about how important the goal for you and also to get their positive support, and fuel with your full energy whenever you share your life goal with people around you.

Nuances: today’s digest, still about myself


Today turned into its complexity, complexity of my past and complexity of nuance, the first one triggered by my hot call to my dad in the mid day, yes I know it was hard to admit my past mistakes but what made me hurt it was repeated many times by the soft voice of my dad, but I know it was not on the appropriate time to call, however an evening soft call to my mom made me relieved from any feelings and made me happy to know that I meet my promise.

Today I updated on “my facebook status update that switching off your mobile phone is a good leap to help you stay in focus”, indeed it was really helpful for me today, today I was able to finish some works smoothly, and I feel really really relieved after checklisted those works, it made lighter in the evening so far it is the lightest evening I ever had, I feel my head very light, yes it totally works for me switching off mobile phone, because when sms comes it’s so easy to change my mood and easy to make me worry without reason, so overall I’m grateful for what I decided today!

Yes indeed I missed to post an entry yesterday, so it will make the 365days blogpost project stay longer for one day at least, and now it’s getting closer to welcome a group of foreign people that I used to in the group, a group of people that has a project to change the world with their life changing stories: Action for Life 5. So welcome tomorrow, pray that tomorrow will be brighter and lighter leave all fears behind!

Happy Eleven wish you a Winning Eleven: 2011!


That’s my new year’s greeting tag line, I use it to greet my friends, in my facebook and twitter status update.

In the last two years I welcomed new year’s eve in a grieving mood, in 2009’s new year’s eve, it was my turning point in understanding woman, I failed to transform a friendship into girlfriendship relationship, I cried just like a coward, and it was my first time ridiculously sending flower to a woman, however soon after that I learn a lot about woman, I thrown some bucks to attend a workshop on how to understand a woman, it helps me a lot in understanding women and how to deal with them.

In 2010’s new year’s eve, indeed I grieved again, one of the most influential figure in this country, a father of one of my bestfriends past away, and at that time I was not with her to support her. 2010 just like a wave and storm coming to my life, it challenged me a lot, it’s so scary, however let list the challenges: first my biological father past away, indeed I prayed for him, however he’s just like a common person to me, I don’t know him a lot, many issues from my unknown past seemed resurrected at that time and it deeply shook me inside, and up to now I still don’t understand how to be a good family man, second I was dropped out from the university (#nomention)that I’ve been studying for more than 9 years, after series of struggling times in the last minute of my deadline finally yes I was dropped out, I know I did a mistake but the university staff did abusive action, it seems that it gets closer that somehow I will have a common experience with uncle Steve Jobs (adopted and dropped out from the university) ha ha ha, however this dropped out case made decreased my self-confidence a lot, up to now I’m still struggling to revamp my self-confidence, and if people ask me what do I do: the quickest answers that I can give to them: I’m a social worker working with Initiatives of Change Indonesia and I am also a freelance translator. And last but not least, the third, that zebra mosquito bite my skin, and I was hospitalised for the first time in these recent years, it was like a horror being in a hospital, however what I’m grateful from this experience is the enormous support from the friend around, this experience showed me who are the real friend for me; I feel so blessed by a massive support from friends and relatives.

What about this year of eleven’s new years’ eve? let me list then, yes our Indonesian national eleven won the last game of the AFF Suzuki Cup however they’re still not able to win the championship due to the lost aggregate 4-2 to the Malaysian team, in some senses, it’s good though since it shook the arrogant chairman of our football association and it tells us that as a nation we’re still not deserved to win the game, however the last won game did work as the solace to our national football team’s fans.

And in the last day of 2010 I decided going nowhere, I preferred to stay at home and to have a solitude new year’s eve celebration, my feeling was like a flat pan before my landlord invited me and my friends to have bawal fish barbeque party in his garden, and this is the pattern of this new year’s celebration quiet period-barbeque-and -cliche- fireworks. And it’s time to review and plan new life strategy! Happy New Years All!

*the uncle google google has been deleted my, that’s why I post an english entry in this blog, from now on I will use this blog to blog either in Bahasa Indonesia or English.



Walaupun pada Lebaran kali ini saya merasakan sesuatu yang tak begitu beda jauh dengan Lebaran di tahun yang lalu kecuali umur yang terus merangkak tua, saya merasa begitu terberkahi dengan kehadiran dan antusiasme kawan-kawan di komunitas yang sejak dari tahun 2003 saya geluti, Initiatives of Change Indonesia.

Kemarin mereka begitu antusias datang dan berbagi cerita dan pengalaman spiritual (dan non-spiritual juga) di acara pertemuan mingguan yang pada hari kemarin kita khususkan sebagai momen Halal bi Halal, rutinitas yang biasa kami lakukan setelah perayaan Lebaran. Dan yang tak kalah pentingnya makanan!, mereka membawa makanan dari berbagai penjuru tempat mereka berasal, saya sendiri merasa embarrassed, karena saya sendiri tidak mampu menjinjing makanan dari kampung halaman saya di Madura, jujur sangat ribet untuk menenteng kardus begitu banyak dengan jarak tempuh yang cukup ‘jauh’,  semangat dan kegigihan kawan-kawan saya itu sangat layak diapresiasi.

Pertemuan kali ini memicu saya untuk berbagi tentang kisah pulang kampung saya kali ini yang saya lihat tidak jauh berbeda dengan pulang kampung sebelumnya. Bagi saya, pulang kampung adalah sesuatu yang jauh, lebih jauh dari perjalanan-perjalanan saya ke luar negeri, saya merasakan perjalanan pulang kampung adalah perjalanan kembali ke masa kecil saya, masa kecil yang penuh cerita-cerita yang berbagai nuansa, kisah-kisah masa lalu yang masih nyelikit dan muncul sedikit-sedikit, yang terkadang terasa begitu sakit, as a man saya kerap kali mengatakan pada diri saya ‘it’s ok ‘ meski pengalaman itu masih terasa nyelekit. Selama perjalanan saya membawa buku Homecoming-nya John Bradshaw, buku yang menceritakan tentang perjalanan jauh untuk menyapa seorang bocah kecil yang bersembunyi di balik raga yang menua, jujur pengalaman kali ini meneguhkan saya untuk tetap menelusuri dan merawat bocah kecil yang masih belum dewasa itu. Yes I’m a family man!

Terlepas dari semua itu, saya merasa begitu terberkahi dengan kehadiran kawan-kawan semua, Saya merasakan nuansa yang begitu hangat meresap, dan merasakan energi saya tersegarkan kembali dengan semangat dan kehadiran mereka.

Terima kasih untuk mereka; minal a’idzin wal faizin, mohon maaf lahir batin untuk semua. Dan berkah untuk semua.