A Caux Week

Saya sangat beruntung! that’s the word that I want to say to describe my first week in Caux, it means I’m very lucky to be here in Caux. I come to this beautiful place as part of a programme called Caux Creatifs Media Training, this training includes many different aspects in using different medium to convey the “Change” message to different people, yes enough to say, you can google it guys.

Europe, it’s totally a new world for me, like any ordinary who just find his new world, lot’s of bule here, (bule; a blue eyed people,or just simply, western people, things like that), a new world, it introduces me to what people called jet-lag, and I know then, this word does exist, and what’s else? yes 12 hours flight from Jakarta does make different to my sleeping system, and extreme weather which makes health a bit shaky, and another things I played football and soccer again

Caux, it’s history totally a history of people, it’s the symbol of people, yes we all agree that this place is beautiful like a palace, but it’s the symbol of people, honestly, it shuddered me when, a senior IofC friend, Andrew Stallybrass, introduced me the history behind this place, and what brings me here it’s all because of people, yes an old friend of mine Chris Breitenberg, my friend in Action for Life 3, introduced me to this programme, and I’m lucky, I’m accepted! what a bless!

Guys, I just wanna this blog kicked out, and posted, I’ll blog more, so I kick this one out! I’ll write you more!

Waz

Called it Red and Blue or Black and Red! (CTA 1)

Once upon a time I was sitting politely listening to those who organise this alike Black and Red game in a different and modified name and style it’s called Red and Blue, truth be told, my mind and ego keep thinking that I was the one who should’ve been there, standing there, being cool there!, but indeed I was sitting there politely in that hall.

Every time this game is played it looks like describing the today’s world situation: emotion, tension, commitment, consistency and personality conceals unconsciously, meant or not, one of the most obvious stuff, again this game is like showing on how nations making an agreement on climate change issues but then again it was not me standing there being cool in that game!

Yesterday I did it again: testing the so called blue ocean of personality and my pre-assumption toward a girl, in her daily life and the way he encounters with me it seems like he’s doing kind of a diplomatic mission; this game reveals some facts about her, her competitive way of thinking, and her womanish tricky diplomatic bla bla revealed!

However during yesterday’s game session what I found different is the way the team conducted the game, some new models found, the team added the communication aspect and different way of conducting the game – I found it the way the team conducted was more polite and emotion friendly; and yes the team conducted the game, it was not me,  it was not me and I found I am.

Knowing and symptom (and do something about it?)

Yes, yesterday there are friends raising symptomatic issues in our organisation, they raised the issue of professionalism in our beloved so called organisation (or community), for me this issue is strongly important, yes I’ve been for more than 7 years in this community, and I want to do something about, what interested me was the way he raised the issue; as always, it’s cliche I know, complaining and asking other people to do something about it, it’s the way I see it, my very basic proposal to this issue. find out our deepest vision to these ideas and community and tweak our basic ourganisations’ constitution, chose these and relly dig deep.

How do I do with this text message?

Ha ha ha again, as the so called non practitcioner consultant, with well field-tested advices on several issues of man and woman relationship, a being buddy, asking this question last night: what should I do with this text message from this man of a celebrity look like? my quick response was: do nothing, and if you want to reply, reply it tomorrow. But my further elaboration is: that’s not your basic longings in this matter, your longings lie in these questions: do you want to get married? is it really matter to you a boyfriendship and girlfriendship? right now, do you still miss your last boyfriend?, answer these questions not more than 5 minutes and you’ll get the real answer, more than 5 minutes is the fake answers! trust me.

and thanks God I found a way to use my passport!

It’s surprising me, I witness my previous so called prophecy and prediction of camp was revealed again, a girl with out of blue shared to me that she joined the last camp of this organisation is to find solution for her unused passport, and yes it’s right since the beginning, in this our beloved country, the greatest pull  to this organisation is that passport and travelling stuffs, it can continue, unless I, we, choose to reverse it.

So this is my story of yesterday so called Call To Action workshop, is it a junk post? yes, I don’t want to keep them longer nestling in my mind, was I in a battle therefore some ways I look like an expired fruit? yes, I was in a battle with my self and a force to come to the so called of graduation ceremony that I didn’t plan to attend to, am I complaining? no, I’m finding wisdom!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tentang Perubahan dan Perbuahan: Fashion

Saya mengerti fashion dan seluruh kode-kode etiknya baru dalam beberapa tahun terakhir tepatnya pada pertengahan tahun 2008. Sebelumnya saya sama sekali tidak peduli dan tidak mau mengerti tentang apapun yang berhubungan dengan fashion. Contoh kecil dalam kasus sepatu, sangat sederhana memang, saya pikir semua sepatu sama saja fungsinya, yang penting bisa menutup seluruh bagian telapak kaki dan setelah semua fungsinya terpenuhi : case closed!, saya tak peduli apapun modelnya, akhirnya saya pernah memakai sepatu sport adidas (sepatu saya yang legendaris) bertemu dengan salah satu petinggi pemerintahan para pengungsi di Tibet dengan hanya memakai sepatu sport adidas, waktu itu saya sangat beruntung karena memang birokarasi di tempat itu tidak terlalu ketat, dan teman-teman saya pun tidak banyak menyinggung saya, meski saya yakin pada waktu itu teman-teman saya tidak nyaman dengan gaya fashion saya, tapi saya salut pada mereka, mereka menyerahkan sepenuhnya perubahan itu pada diri saya sendiri.

Sampai pada tahun 2008 kemarin, setelah saya gagal berkali-kali mencoba menangkap serta memikat wanita, yah saya dulunya sangat terobsesi dengan yang satu ini, saya mengenal sebuah perkumpulan para Pria Pencinta Wanita. Di komunitas ini mindset saya berubah tentang wanita, banyak hal yang mulai men-tweak mindset saya dalam berinteraksi dengan wanita, okey baiklah, dalam tulisan saya hanya akan berbagi dari segi fashion saja.

Kenyamanan adalah master key dalam berhubungan dengan wanita, begitu yang saya pelajari dari komunitas itu. Yang paling mengklik saya dalam hal kenyamanan adalah: PENAMPILAN SAYA MENAKUTKAN! , inilah klik yang tidak saya sadari sebelumnya, bagaimana bisa melakukan approach atau pendekatan kalau dari penampilan saja sudah menakutkan? kalau sudah takut sudah pasti jangankan kenyamanan, keamanan pun pasti tidak akan didapatkan.

Fashion tweaking, itulah saya lakukan sejak saat itu sampai saat ini, menjadi diri sendiri memang sangat esensial, dan menjadi apa adanya memang sangat penting, dan meLAKUkan yang terbaik jauh LEBIH BAIK.

*ya kali ini saya memang sedang berbagi cerita, tentang loncatan-loncatan dalam hidup saya.

Goal!

How do you define a goal? for me it’s an excitement! I describe it as the most beautiful woman that I’ve been picturing in my dream, for me it looks like the way Wayne Rooney did the acrobatic kick to to the City’s goal two weeks ago.

Truth be told I always deny my self as a perfectionist person, since for me, a perfectionist looks like procrastinator in some ways, however it is undeniable that I always perceive that reaching a goal should be performed in an acrobatic way just like what Rooney did, and then if I can’t do in such way, it’s better for me just not to make any goal and remain idle, and such ‘acrobatic way’ still leave its steps in my mind.

However I still deny myself that I’m a perfectionist, and my mindset always saying that I want to do things in its proper way, and according to the procedure and whatsoever. Indeed I try to do such acrobatic way, but in the end of the day, I feel and observed less goals achieved, and such situation leads me into frustration.

Last weekend, in Initiatives of Change Indonesia community house, where I live, there was weekly discussion in making a goal, there was a man called Saul Allen – he denied himself that he has a relation with Woody Allen, however I’m sure that Woody Allen has relation with him, at least in his name -, yes he’s our American buddy who participated in our last year camp, last weekend he facilitated that session in making a strategic life goal.

One of my highlight for the session that tweaked my understanding and perception toward life goal, is in the way he deciphered one of the symptoms of the perfectionist attitude, that is: all or nothing attitude, yes this is absolutely what I need to know, this aspect is so me, I realised that somehow I’m categorized as a desperate perfectionist, I realised that I spent a lot of time just thinking on how to do things rather than thinking the excitement of scoring a life goal.

I realised that goal itself, is the excitement, and there are many ways to do this, yes in anyways, but it should be in an ethical way.

Goal is the small form of a vision and it should have ways for measurement, and once you set up a goal you should make effort to convince people about how important the goal for you and also to get their positive support, and fuel with your full energy whenever you share your life goal with people around you.

The Tourist & Random Stuffs

It seems nothing new in Hollywood movies.

Today I decided to watch that movie, the plot was very poor, and it’s so predictable, however I enjoy seeing the Jolie’s wet lips.

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And however again I watch this movie all alone in PIM, and no one from my roommate know that I did this secret ritual and I don’t think they will read this blog, mostly they read, yeah as usual watching movie for me kinda escaping from the reality.

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Wait…may be I should pause now I need to have energy to clean bathroom, it’s my task and my call, no it’s just all about pleasure to know everything clean, tidy and artistic.

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Ok see you tomorrow sorry for the poor content of this post.Always see you tomorrow.

Nuances: today’s digest, still about myself

Today turned into its complexity, complexity of my past and complexity of nuance, the first one triggered by my hot call to my dad in the mid day, yes I know it was hard to admit my past mistakes but what made me hurt it was repeated many times by the soft voice of my dad, but I know it was not on the appropriate time to call, however an evening soft call to my mom made me relieved from any feelings and made me happy to know that I meet my promise.

Today I updated on “my facebook status update that switching off your mobile phone is a good leap to help you stay in focus”, indeed it was really helpful for me today, today I was able to finish some works smoothly, and I feel really really relieved after checklisted those works, it made lighter in the evening so far it is the lightest evening I ever had, I feel my head very light, yes it totally works for me switching off mobile phone, because when sms comes it’s so easy to change my mood and easy to make me worry without reason, so overall I’m grateful for what I decided today!

Yes indeed I missed to post an entry yesterday, so it will make the 365days blogpost project stay longer for one day at least, and now it’s getting closer to welcome a group of foreign people that I used to in the group, a group of people that has a project to change the world with their life changing stories: Action for Life 5. So welcome tomorrow, pray that tomorrow will be brighter and lighter leave all fears behind!

Ini masalah saya, bukan masalah sampean, begitulah kira-kira

Mungkin ini yang namanya writer’s block, hari ini saya merasa nothing to post, oleh karena itu saya mencoba untuk mengkopi paste tulisan yang pernah saya tulis di notes facebook saya, ah demi mengejar target posting dalam #365dayspost, okey baiklah moho dimaafkan. Tapi sebelumnya izinkan saya membuat disclaimer.

[DISCLAIMER: tulisan ini saya kopi paste dari notes saya yang di facebook, jadi isinya sama persis dengan yang di sana]

Cewek itu cakep gak sih? pertanyaan khas seorang lelaki sejati yang sangat ‘visioner’, jawabannya biasanya lelaki yang lain suka menjawab, cakep sih, tapi sayang kakinya gede, cakep sih, rampingan dikit lah, cakep sih, tapi come on agak seksi dikit lahhh, cakep sih, tapi mancungan dikit lahh.

 

Biasanya (sekali lagi, ini masalah saya bukan masalah sampean) lelaki yang menjawab seperti itu adalah lelaki yang gak tegas dan sama sekali gak visioner, lah iya kan lelaki seperti gak bisa membedakan batas jelas antara cakep dan non-cakep, mereka suka bermain di wilayah abu-abu. Menurut saya lelaki sejati hanya memberikan satu garis jawaban: cakep dan tidak cakep, jawaban yang terdengar sangat kejam, menyayat, silet, gergaji, traktor, samurai, mencelurit (eh) atau apapunlah benda tajam lainnya, tapi jawaban itu merupakan jawaban yang jujur dan tegas dan gak menya-menye. Jawaban yang mungkin bikin kaum hawa yang sentimentil dan emosionil segara mempermak habis tampangnya setelah itu, atau bikin kaum yang intelek, pandai, cendikia, pejuang jender akan segera mencak-mencak protes atau bikin long march, atau mengeluarkan sejuta argumen kesetaraan dan kehebatan jenis jender mereka.

 

Tapi bagaimanapun untuk masalah cinta pada cewek, wanita atau perempuan-juga untuk cowok- (DISCLAIMER: semua orang dewasa sudah tahu hal ini saya cuma menuliskannya kembali karena memang cocok dengan template pikiran saya*), pertanyaan dan pernyataan di atas sama sekali kriteria fisikal seperti itu sudah sangat usang, ya semua orang akhirnya kembali pada suatu pernyataan klise yang klasik: “Nobody’s perfect until you love her/him”, tak ada yang sempurna kecuali sampean mencintainya dalam ketidaksempurnaannya yang sempurna (embulet ini),nahhh variabel jawabannya adalah:

 

1. T: cewek sampean cakep? J: Ya, cewek saya cakep , dan saya mencintainya

2. T: cewek sampean cakep? J: Gak, cewek saya gak cakep , tapi saya mencintainya sepenuh hati

 

Nah untuk masalah cakep dan tidak (DISCLAIMER: semua orang dewasa sudah tahu hal ini saya cuma menuliskannya kembali karena memang cocok dengan template pikiran saya*) tentu saja semua sangat relatif dan judgmental, nah dari titik ini saya ingin berbagi sesuatu, entah kenapa media sosial, dalam hal ini facebook juga menambahkan nilai dalam menilai sesuatu yang sangat relatif ini, suatu ketika saya bertemu dengan seseorang yang saya lihat pertama kali cakep (setidaknya begitulah penilaian fisikal nan dangkal saya), percakapan pun mengalir bak aliran sungai musi, mahakam atau sungai yang terus mengalir di negeri ini, percakapan yang cerdas,kritis, intelek, beda atau apapunlah namanya, kami pun bertukar nomor telpon, akun fesbuk dan apapun yang dapat menghubungkan kami kembali suatu saat nanti (eh), hari demi hari berlalu sayapun meng-add dia sebagai teman saya di facebook, dan dia pun approve, masuklah saya dalam daftarnya, dan saya pun mengecek profil dan statusnya, eh entah kenapa hari demi hari saya merasa ilfil ketika (saat) membaca status update-nya tiap hari, akhirnya saya berkesimpulan: saya ilfil ama dia, dan ada sebuah kesimpulan aneh yang saya miliki, yaitu saya mudah ilfil bahkan pada cewek cakep (dalam kesimpulan fisikal-dangkal saya) yang statusnya selalu update di facebook. Begitulah dan begitulah, sekali lagi ini masalah saya bukan masalah sampean teman.

 

Selamat berhari Sabtu!

 

*eh jadi saya orang biasa-biasa saja ya?

** mohon maaf kalau yang ini sedikit menyelekit atau bikin gak enak, karena sekali lagi ini masalah saya bukan masalah sampean, begitulah kira-kira, mohon dimaafkan kiranya. Amin

Happy Eleven wish you a Winning Eleven: 2011!

That’s my new year’s greeting tag line, I use it to greet my friends, in my facebook and twitter status update.

In the last two years I welcomed new year’s eve in a grieving mood, in 2009′s new year’s eve, it was my turning point in understanding woman, I failed to transform a friendship into girlfriendship relationship, I cried just like a coward, and it was my first time ridiculously sending flower to a woman, however soon after that I learn a lot about woman, I thrown some bucks to attend a workshop on how to understand a woman, it helps me a lot in understanding women and how to deal with them.

In 2010′s new year’s eve, indeed I grieved again, one of the most influential figure in this country, a father of one of my bestfriends past away, and at that time I was not with her to support her. 2010 just like a wave and storm coming to my life, it challenged me a lot, it’s so scary, however let list the challenges: first my biological father past away, indeed I prayed for him, however he’s just like a common person to me, I don’t know him a lot, many issues from my unknown past seemed resurrected at that time and it deeply shook me inside, and up to now I still don’t understand how to be a good family man, second I was dropped out from the university (#nomention)that I’ve been studying for more than 9 years, after series of struggling times in the last minute of my deadline finally yes I was dropped out, I know I did a mistake but the university staff did abusive action, it seems that it gets closer that somehow I will have a common experience with uncle Steve Jobs (adopted and dropped out from the university) ha ha ha, however this dropped out case made decreased my self-confidence a lot, up to now I’m still struggling to revamp my self-confidence, and if people ask me what do I do: the quickest answers that I can give to them: I’m a social worker working with Initiatives of Change Indonesia and I am also a freelance translator. And last but not least, the third, that zebra mosquito bite my skin, and I was hospitalised for the first time in these recent years, it was like a horror being in a hospital, however what I’m grateful from this experience is the enormous support from the friend around, this experience showed me who are the real friend for me; I feel so blessed by a massive support from friends and relatives.

What about this year of eleven’s new years’ eve? let me list then, yes our Indonesian national eleven won the last game of the AFF Suzuki Cup however they’re still not able to win the championship due to the lost aggregate 4-2 to the Malaysian team, in some senses, it’s good though since it shook the arrogant chairman of our football association and it tells us that as a nation we’re still not deserved to win the game, however the last won game did work as the solace to our national football team’s fans.

And in the last day of 2010 I decided going nowhere, I preferred to stay at home and to have a solitude new year’s eve celebration, my feeling was like a flat pan before my landlord invited me and my friends to have bawal fish barbeque party in his garden, and this is the pattern of this new year’s celebration quiet period-barbeque-and -cliche- fireworks. And it’s time to review and plan new life strategy! Happy New Years All!

Note:
*the uncle google google has been deleted my www.wazeen.blogspot.com, that’s why I post an english entry in this blog, from now on I will use this blog to blog either in Bahasa Indonesia or English.

Berbagi

Walaupun pada Lebaran kali ini saya merasakan sesuatu yang tak begitu beda jauh dengan Lebaran di tahun yang lalu kecuali umur yang terus merangkak tua, saya merasa begitu terberkahi dengan kehadiran dan antusiasme kawan-kawan di komunitas yang sejak dari tahun 2003 saya geluti, Initiatives of Change Indonesia.

Kemarin mereka begitu antusias datang dan berbagi cerita dan pengalaman spiritual (dan non-spiritual juga) di acara pertemuan mingguan yang pada hari kemarin kita khususkan sebagai momen Halal bi Halal, rutinitas yang biasa kami lakukan setelah perayaan Lebaran. Dan yang tak kalah pentingnya makanan!, mereka membawa makanan dari berbagai penjuru tempat mereka berasal, saya sendiri merasa embarrassed, karena saya sendiri tidak mampu menjinjing makanan dari kampung halaman saya di Madura, jujur sangat ribet untuk menenteng kardus begitu banyak dengan jarak tempuh yang cukup ‘jauh’,  semangat dan kegigihan kawan-kawan saya itu sangat layak diapresiasi.

Pertemuan kali ini memicu saya untuk berbagi tentang kisah pulang kampung saya kali ini yang saya lihat tidak jauh berbeda dengan pulang kampung sebelumnya. Bagi saya, pulang kampung adalah sesuatu yang jauh, lebih jauh dari perjalanan-perjalanan saya ke luar negeri, saya merasakan perjalanan pulang kampung adalah perjalanan kembali ke masa kecil saya, masa kecil yang penuh cerita-cerita yang berbagai nuansa, kisah-kisah masa lalu yang masih nyelikit dan muncul sedikit-sedikit, yang terkadang terasa begitu sakit, as a man saya kerap kali mengatakan pada diri saya ‘it’s ok ‘ meski pengalaman itu masih terasa nyelekit. Selama perjalanan saya membawa buku Homecoming-nya John Bradshaw, buku yang menceritakan tentang perjalanan jauh untuk menyapa seorang bocah kecil yang bersembunyi di balik raga yang menua, jujur pengalaman kali ini meneguhkan saya untuk tetap menelusuri dan merawat bocah kecil yang masih belum dewasa itu. Yes I’m a family man!

Terlepas dari semua itu, saya merasa begitu terberkahi dengan kehadiran kawan-kawan semua, Saya merasakan nuansa yang begitu hangat meresap, dan merasakan energi saya tersegarkan kembali dengan semangat dan kehadiran mereka.

Terima kasih untuk mereka; minal a’idzin wal faizin, mohon maaf lahir batin untuk semua. Dan berkah untuk semua.

Ketika Saya Menonton Sang Pencerah

Saya memtuskan untuk menonton film ini untuk menunggu sepur saya yang akan berangkat ke Stasiun Gambir pada pukul 20.00, ditambah dengan keinginan untuk menikmati nuansa ‘eksotik’ dan ‘nostalgik’ (masa kecil saya) mall Tunjungan Plaza Surabaya, akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk menonton film ini.

Jelas sejak awal saya memang menegaskan posisi awal saya sebagai seorang Nahdliyin kultural, meski saya sempat terlibat di PMII selama beberapa bulan, saya menegaskan diri saya tetap seorang NU kultural, karena saya lebih menyukai melihat NU sebagai sebuah budaya daripada sekedar susunan sturuktural semata. Okey enaf, bagaimana reaksi saya pada film ini?

Kali ini saya ingin lebih memfokuskan pada pesan yang saya tangkap di film ini daripada melihat dari sudut pandang sinematografi dan yang sejenisnya, mengingat saya masih belum memiliki kompetensi di bidang itu.

Okey! enaf the intro! sebagaimana yang sudah direview oleh banyak kawan-kawan jelas ekspos tentang perubahan dan pembaruan merupakan sesuatu yang sangat layak diapresiasi dan juga ide-ide tentang pluralisme menurut saya pantas diacungi jempol.

Ya memang saya tahu ini film tentang KH.Ahmad Dahlan dan asal muasal berdirinya persyarikatan Muhammadiyah yang tak pelak lagi di awalnya akan pasti terdapat penggambaran tentang gerakan pemurnian Islam, tapi yang sangat sayangkan ekspose terhadap hal ini sedikit berlebihan, dan hal ini sangat tidak sensitif terhadap kelompok yang memiliki apreasiasi terhadap tradisi, dan terkesan memunculkan keterasingan Islam dan tradisi,

Dan entah kenapa mendadak kuping saya panas tujuh keliling, dan perasaan untuk beranjak pergi dari bangku bioskop muncul, ketika muncul kata-kata ” tahlil tidak usah dilakukan”, “tidak usah selametan pernikahan”, dan di titik saya sangat menyadari identitas saya, yang entah kenapa begitu mengakar kuat meski saya tak punya kartu tanda pengenal Nahdlatul Ulama.